I’m stuck in a psychological rut

Trapped in a loop of monotony

where nothing fills me up, nothing sets me alight

Instead, I curdle with envy

watching others carve out lives that pulse with purpose

while I wither in the shadows of obligation

I feel smaller, lesser—

a version of myself I don’t recognize

i catch glimpses of her, though—

the younger me, electric and fuzzy

moving through the world with effortless grace

nothing could stop her

there was no ticking clock haunting her every step

no one whom made her feel less than she was 

But now, the questions press against my skull

what’s next? where are you headed?

who will you be? when will you arrive?

i’m nearly 27, and it feels like I’m carrying the weight of the sky itself

The dissatisfaction with human life is growing by the minute

i just want to be a cloud—

drifting and weeping

I’m overwhelmed

but with what?

the fear that I’m not wringing every drop out of existence?

that I’m wasting the fleeting seconds?

Truthfully, I don’t want to be questioned—

it only amplifies the noise in my head

i don’t want to be needed—

selfish, I know

I shouldn’t worry so much

life is simple, right?

just live it

Maybe the service industry has wrung me dry—

bled out my sense of freedom

my sense of wonder

my sense of self

I know this all seems minuscule

but I am unraveling

searching for a thread of purpose

Because if i wasn’t meant to roam meadows

to spin art from my foolish little thoughts

then why am I here?

I talk to people all day

some crack unfunny jokes, some observe

some keep a tally of my changing appearance

noting every shift like I’m a display

a thing to be cataloged

just let me live, damn it

why does it all bother me so much?

I want to be untethered

don’t box me in

don’t assume you’ve mapped my soul

heck, I’m still trying to read the coordinates myself